Vomit

Thoughts and feelings and personal shit. I have ’em.

So hey, why not write a blog. First, though – I could totally use some eyecandy to cheer me up, so if anyone’s actually reading this, make with the hotties, pls kthx.

Thing The 1:

(This one is a lot of rambly bitching and vaguery and probably not very interesting, but it’s helping me to get it out and put it into the internetvoid.)

I’m just so angry right now, over something I let myself get roped into, again. I’m angry that other people are spewing their drama onto me and damaging my calm. I am very, very protective of my mellow. See, I’m a pretty laid-back gal. It took some fucked up occurrences and revelations to reach this point, but for the most part, I’ve hit this sort of zen thing that probably isn’t actually a ‘zen’ thing so much as an understanding I’ve met with Life. Basically, there’s not a whole lot that’s worth emotional strife or negativity. Being kind (not nice, but kind), costs nothing. Everyone has their own shit, and just – just, don’t be an asshole, you know? It’s this kind of outlook that has made me pretty fucking chill about people. It takes a lot to actually piss me off. I sure as hell don’t go looking for it. Maybe there should be an ‘anymore’ at the end of that sentence – I think probably when you’re in your 20s or so, it’s pretty common to grab onto someone or something as a focus for personal angst. Anyway.

So someone is damaging my calm, harshing my mellow, fucking with my zen. And when that actually happens, it really, REALLY pisses me off. Because you don’t fuck with my calm, man.

But what pisses me off MORE than that, is the fact that I fucking asked for it. I was too passive, too much of a goddamned wimp. I failed to say, “no” good and firmly, and this is the payment I get.

This was supposed to be my summer for focusing on ME. For getting myself back into some healthy habits, for restringing my piano, for doing a whole lot of shit that’s been festering in the “to do” pile of my life. And like a fool, I thought I could just take a secondary role in this Thing I got roped into, and it wouldn’t dominate and wreck my mental well-being the way it has.

FAIL.

I think part of why I get so mad when someone succeeds at damaging my calm is that *I* am actually *working* on being calm and kind and mentally balanced. And usually it’s those people who need to be in some kind of therapy and should probably increase their meds and take their own mental and spiritual health a little more seriously that fuck with mine. It’s like the story of my life is that the people who need therapy the most are never the ones that actually go.

GRRRR.

So, there’s that.

Thing The 2

This is the first time a playlist has ever successfully happened for one of my writing projects. It’s weird, but even though I’ve been a musician my entire fucking life (minus five years), I usually find music to be way too distracting for writing. But this time? Hmmmm yummy yummy yummy music stuff.

I don’t want to write about my writing stuff, though, because I’m a little superstitious and I also feel kind of like if you talk about your writing, you’re not writing.

Thing The 3

I forget? Idunno, bunch of piano shit and yeah, I caught the stupid EL James trainwreck and the Kindle KDU author wangst and whatnot. Also, B&N is just a big bucket of embarrassment nowadays, huh?

I need a beach. An ocean to wash away my resentment and frustration.

I’ve seriously come close, twice now, to walking into a QT and purchasing a pack of Kamel Red Lights. Anything you do should have a return – whether it’s money, useful experience/education, or joy. Right now my evenings are largely being wasted on something that is giving me nothing and taking a lot of time and gas and emotional energy. And it’s largely my fault, I guess. So angry. Here’s a couple from my playlist of awesome.

ali

 

Mish to the Mash Update: Rants and Raves

Been a while, I know. I’ve been working on a few large things, both in authorland and pianoland. Which means a lot of head-down working and a long stretch of nothing to show for it for the foreseeable future. I’m a-okay with that. Hopefully it’ll pay off in the end, and the happy part is that I’m actually excited about both writing and pianos again, despite the overwhelming parts.

Apparently, this is the year of Steinway for me. It’ll be interesting. Fingers crossed.

It helps my focus that the internet is so full of shit lately, I’ll say that much. Or maybe it’s the other way around. Maybe stepping away from the internet and all its commentary and bitchery has made me less tolerant of it. I don’t know. What I do know is that, for me anyway, there are bigger things to advocate for and against than author bullies and problematic fiction.

Don’t get me wrong – I think it’s a great thing that so many people (myself included) have been educated and changed for the better with regards to racism, bigotry, sexism, and just general human kindness and understanding. But lately, the few times poke my head in on the blogs and tumblrs I usually follow, I get this feeling of stale disgust.

The two main issues I personally have are:

a) We’re really still whinging about GoodReads meanies? I swear to christ, some of these authors and their boohooing need to spend three active years immersed in a large and critical fandom, be put through the wringer multiple times on fanficrants and fandomfail, and have to submit their work to sites like Petulant Poetess. When you put your shit out there, whether as an author, blogger, musician, artist, whatever – you are putting a product out that is no longer in your hands. And when it’s in the proverbial hands of a consumer (reader, listener, whatever), they have any and every right to respond however the fuck they want. Also? That fact is NOT “victim blaming.” Your publicly sold/posted material isn’t akin to “wearing too short of a skirt,” and blog trolls are NOT “rapists.” Jesus fucking christ. That was easily one of the grossest things I’ve seen in a month, and no, I’m not going to link where I saw it.

b) Fictional characters are fictional. And frankly, as a reader, I don’t want to read about or watch perfect people who never say, think, or do anything problematic. While I think it’s important and valuable to point out the problematic shit, the characters and stories are not the author. Just as a story is no longer “our baby” when it goes out to readers, the story a reader gets isn’t the author. That said, I’ve seen both reviewers and authors lose sight of that. All I can say is: if/when I publish a story with some sexist, racist, homophobic, and/or slut-shaming character flaws, when that criticism comes, I will be happy to agree that said characterization is problematic, and that’s kind of the point. No one is perfect – even the best, most socially conscious hero or heroine would be fucking boring and unrealistic as fuck if they didn’t have their idiot moments. And said idiotic moments absolutely should be criticized, not celebrated.

Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, RAVES.

OMG, y’all. The Martian by Andy Weir. Can I tell you about this? I discovered Andy Weir, not from the bestseller hype, but from a tumblr meme that spoke to my agnostic self. Unfortunately, I can’t find the actual jpeg that went with it, but it was basically his short story, The Egg. Go ahead, read it.

…right?

Anyway, I was so blown away, I looked into his other stuff and nabbed The Martian. Funny enough, I haven’t actually finished reading it. Because it’s so damned good, I don’t want it to end. So I keep stopping myself and setting it aside. Seriously. Just read the first page, and you’ll see.

More exciting, it’s being made into a movie for release this fall, with a slew of awesome actors, and I CANNOT FUCKING WAIT OMG OMG OMG. Seriously, THAT CAST. and THAT STORY. GUH.

Speaking of Jeff Daniels, the husband and I just recently finished binge watching The Newsroom. More fantastic writing and acting. And yeah, yeah, typical middle aged white male hero, blah blah see point #2 up there.

I also finally broke into Orange is the New Black, which again – fantastic writing and acting. So many monologues, and they’re all good.

Game of Thrones? What is that? I don’t want to go there. We’re still watching it. I’m not happy about several obvious turns it’s taken, but no one is. It’s all been said, and whatever – DRAGONS.

Okay, that’s about all I have to throw into the void for now. Time to get back to job estimates and time travel. <3

I’m just going to go ahead and say it.

I think Nutella is overrated. Don’t get me wrong – I’ll spoon the fuck out of that shit. But I keep seeing all these “OMG AMAAAAZING” recipes involving gobs and gobs of Nutella in like, everything. It’s not THAT great, people.

Come at me.

Or come back to me when they start making Nutella with dark chocolate. Then we’ll talk.

Update on the Jenny Trout/Excessica thingo

I know I put pieces together and vaguely implied in my last post exactly what Jenny Trout is correcting here. So I feel it’s important to pass the message along, to the tiny little audience that might be bothering to read here.

 

Disappointed and Grateful

Brought to you by the Jenny Trout/Anne Rice/racist-slave-BDSM-hotmess-story/Excessica shitpot.

ali

At first I was bemused. Sure, there’s always drama somewhere. But haven’t we yet clued in and moved beyond the belief that any one writer and/or reviewer can have the power to “destroy” another writer’s career? I mean, never mind that people are going to read whatever the fuck they want to read, and make their own decisions. I guess if you’re not an all-powerful super-blogger, you’re just a brainwashed sheep that does whatever you’re told. And not that it matters, but I’m pretty sure I’m not the only person who agreed that the original story that triggered this mess was pretty fucked up and racist, but I personally wasn’t willing to go so far as to contact retailers and demand its removal.

I also scratched my head at the thought that blogging a request/suggestion, no matter how scathing, to write to retailers and express opinions about their product, and/or “voting with your dollars,” somehow wasn’t a freedom of speech just as valid as any other. After all, we didn’t scream to protect Chick Fil-A from censorship, punishing those who spoke against them and encouraged others to boycott them for their marriage equality opposition.

The whole thing just seemed – odd. Odd, and a little ridiculous.

But, then it came to light. This isn’t really about censorship at all, is it? It’s about mean girls and cliques, and wanting to punish those who step out of line, give them a taste of their own medicine, whatever.

And that’s disappointing.

If that one slave story was actually removed from retailers due to people reporting it for racist content (and I honestly don’t know, as I wasn’t following that closely), that’s just… NOT the end of a career. At least, not any career that had a hope of being successful in the first place. Hell, if anything, I’d bet a cup of coffee and a pastry that all this hoo-hah has probably given that author more attention than they’d ever had, resulting in a spike of sales. But I could be wrong.

The turnabout, blackballing the blogger-author author Jenny Trout from the Bad Boys Next Door anthology, served no purpose other than powerplay and reindeer games. And while it ultimately affected 11 other authors, I am hopeful that it’s Excessica (and their queen writer) that will suffer for it. Probably not, but in the spirit of my utter disgust, I can hope. Those authors who voluntarily pulled their stories from the anthology? I’ll happily go buy their stuff from other publishers. And I’m going to round out my Jenny Trout / Abigail Barnette library, now.

The Gratitude part of this post is again: I am really so grateful to be a nobody. This has served as a warning against certain social media voices. It has reminded and encouraged me to just focus even more on story-writing, and to avoid e-publishers like Excessica and Ellora’s Cave like the bloody plague, both as a reader and an author. I’ll take obscurity over that shittiness, thanks.

As for Anne Rice, the cow who hates fanfic but makes money writing Jesus fanfic herself, who lauds STGRB yet sends her ‘minions’ to do the exact same? Well, that’s really all you can say about her, isn’t it? Pretty much sums up her whole hypocrisy right there. My tinhat is piqued that it was really Rice’s fans that pushed this thing to its current position, though.

But this is all just, like, my opinion, man.

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