My Brain is a Dweeb.

Ever since that post about metaphors, I’ve found myself playing this little mental game – how would this work as a metaphor for my life, for writing, for self-motivation, etc. – ? Today’s metaphor is brought to you by my stupid motherfucking asshurting hyper-extended knee. I didn’t injure it doing anything interesting, or anything at all (unless it was sexual, which I guess might be a possibility? I can’t remember!).

(Oh, god – I just googled that shit, and it is a thing… d’oh!)


Okay, ANYWAY. So I’ve hyperextended my knee. The bitch of it is that resting it actually makes it stiffen up and feel worse. Then I wind up having to hobble around with a goddamned cane (because I am uninsured and can’t afford crutches), until my leg loosens up enough to just let me walk with a limp.

Hi there, writing metaphor, amiright? I mean, this is totally like how when your sales lag off, or you get a lousy review, or you just hit a writing block, and you think, “I’ll just give myself a little break – a breather, let me lick my wounds or just wallow a bit.”

So a few weeks days pass. Maybe that break actually does recharge your batteries, makes you feel rejuvenated (if you’re lucky). You decide to sit your ass back down and start writing again. But maybe those days really were weeks, and now you’re stiff and sore and barely hobbling the fuck around.

…okay, maybe that’s just me.

Anyway, my knee pisses me off. And it’s not really a good metaphor, because frankly wrapping and icing my writing isn’t going to help much.

I’m also grumpy because of rich, self-entitled jerks who want me to discount my services for literally no goddamned reason.



Which brings me to my second line of pondering:

Entitlement vs. Self-Value

This applies to everything across the board. And it ain’t all sunshine and unicorn-butts. To a certain degree, a little bit of entitlement is probably a good thing. I mean that in the sense of knowing that what you expect is what you have a right to expect, within reason. This goes hand in hand with a healthy sense of self-worth and self-value. Self-worth being the airy-fairy crap and self-value being a knowledge that you are asking a perfectly reasonable price for your work, your services, your product, your time, etc. Too much entitlement is like, well, pricing your 30 page short story at $8.99 and getting outraged that people won’t buy it. (Too much entitlement can also be like charging $1.99 for a 30 page short story that hasn’t been edited or formatted, and reads like fanfiction my 12-year-old sister wrote. Then getting flouncy when someone criticizes it.)

I feel entitled to the fees I ask for my day-job, because I did my time busting my ass in filthy practice rooms on shitty pianos for shit wages. I also give a shit about what my end product feels and sounds like. I know I’m a good technician, but I never, ever take that for granted. Which is why, I guess, I did wind up letting this client haggle me down by $10. It just – still pisses me off, though. Because it was JUST ten dollars. Why the fuck did they HAVE to have that discount, FFS? Goddamned principal of the matter, I know that, on both sides. So, I guess next time I’ll just tell them my fee went up ten dollars from the last time, and sure, I’d be happy to give them a great discount of $10-15.



Sorry, I know this post is all over the place. I actually just felt like I needed to put something up, since I’ve been a little quiet this week. The little community theatre show I’ve been doing music for just opened last weekend, AND I’ve been reacquainting myself with .epub formatting and cover building for my upcoming novella, The Switch. (Also the first in the Beldenbrook Downs series) Look for it coming out within the next week or two!




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