Humpday Hotties and Toybox Horrors, or, “How to Cure a Tentacle Fetish.”

And here I was worried I was going to blow my load with this whole Wednesday Toybox thing. 

Look, I’m not about kinkshaming (seriously – if you looked at my browsing history…). I mean, I could go on about why some of us find tentacle porn to be hawt. I could even link ya. So, I was feeling all clever and shit when I decided this week I’d find some tentacular toys to share. Instead, something strange happened. I got… grossed out. 

I think it’s maybe because these are inanimate objects and just… no. I got nothin’. Instead I’ll share my horror, and if anyone out there actually finds these toys stimulating or arousing, please – sound in and share your experiences so maybe I’ll feel better:

The Tentacle, by Whipspider Rubberworks (I do love their name and concept of “insertable silicone art” and “interactive sculptures”. Also, there’s no denying these are imaginative and crafty. But I get a little heebied about all those cracks and crevices, too.)

There’s also this SQUID dildo. Called the Squildo. I just – no. I mean, again – kinks for all and it’s okay. And clearly a lot of work goes into these. But I just keep picturing those little tentacles sprouting out and jiggling around and… well, I guess it’s the opposite of what *I* find hot about tentacles. I’m just confused. Maybe I need some alcohol. 

The least freaky tentacle find (in my opinion), was another glass dildo. Maybe that’s just because I like glass. But I would actually consider the Icicles Number 24I’m not sure that counts, though. Yes, it’s tentacle-ish, but it’s glass, which is like the opposite of fleshy.

Soooo… yeah. Maybe better luck next week, friends? I was serious, though, about anyone who wants to check in with a different view of tentacle toys. Inquiring minds need to know.

Okay, now that’s done, I gotta pull out the Fassbender. Dynamic, dangerous, and deliciously bad, this man just makes my blood go all hot. I’m sure my mom would disapprove of him, saying, “he has mean eyes.” But, mom, that’s exactly part of his allure! Can’t you just picture him, all cruel and intense and oh so wickedly yummy at the same time? 

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2 responses to “Humpday Hotties and Toybox Horrors, or, “How to Cure a Tentacle Fetish.”

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